If i should die before i wake....

Okay so firstly id just like to point out that im typing this through my web-enabled cellular device so perfection,proper grammer,punctuation,and the like are kind of being thrown out the window.Also im pretty sure my un-cool cell wont let me make paragraphs so this is going to be one giant run-on mess.But i have faith that ill make due. Now,please dont be thrown off by the title,i am not,by any means,suicidal right now.Have i been in the past?Yea,i have,im not going to lie to you about it.But,unlike most mature adults may believe,its not just normal teen hormonal,rebellious action,crying out for the right attention.Yea fuck that.I dont need anyones approval,or special attention,the special attentions what made me suicidal in the first place...well okay not the only reason,but it was a part of it.Being different isnt a bad thing,its just when people you love and thought would never hurt you,start treating you like your infected or broken...Yea thats when life gets hard.But i want you guys to know that no matter whats going on in your life,dying isnt going to solve anyones problems.You make think it solves yours but really it doesnt.Its okay to hurt,trust me i know,its how you choose to deal with the pain that defines the person within.I,for one,havent really learned how to deal but this is a topic for another post...So moving on.
Anyway,i picked this titled because its how i feel.If i did die,not necessairly in my sleep,but before i am supposed too,would i be okay with it?Will i have had enough time in this world to fullfill every whim...Or will  i have grown to find that i wasted my whole life just wishing.I dont want to grow old wondering what would have happened if i hadnt given this or that a try.I want to know how things will affect my life....I want to know what it feels like to expierence everything.I dont want to be on my dying days,fullfilling a fuckin bucket list,to expierence what the world has to offer me.I want to do it now,when i can still enjoy it.And i do believe you all should too...
In scared of the journey im about to embark on,and thats okay,because i know,in the end,this journey will open my eyes,change my life,make me the person ive always wanted to be.Even if that means abandoning everything i have ever known,for something that could brake me down and change the very fiber of my being...I will do it.
Just remember:Dream big,live for the moment,reach for the sky.Because even if you never touch it,you can at least say you tried,and you wont walk away wishing you tried.
And like always,thanks for visiting the graveyard!

Revolution

Im writing today really because its been forever and i feel like i need too.I titled todays post "Revolution" becuase i feel like this is how my life is,i feel like im entering a revolution.A new beginning to my life.
I dont neccesarily want to start a revolution,thats just kinda of stupid,but i am,however,enjoying the perks of my own personal uprising against the strongholds of whats considered "normal" in American society today.It didnt happen all at once,though.Like i didnt just wake up one day and say to myself that today was the day i was gonna overthrow society.It was pretty gradual.For example,about a year ago,i got my first tattoo,it was kind of painful.Not the worse expierence ever,but pretty uncomfortable.But that single moment,that single spur-of-the-moment action started this gradual build-up of rebellion that just kind of exploded.I started changing what i wear,changing how i talk and act,ive become more outgoing...well i guess i cant blame that all on the rebellion haha,i have to gie some credit to my best friend,she really helped with that whole "pop-the-bubble" expierience.Ive just become a whole other person,not a bad person,but someone new.Someone that some of my friends dont know how to take,and that kind of scares me,but ive learned to deal with the comings and goings of people...
Recently,about 5 weeks ago actually i went and got my lip pierced with my best friend who got her monroe.It was about the same expierce as the tattoo.It helped finalize my descision that this is who i wanted to be now,this was the person ive been scared to let out and show.But it also led to most of "normal" society to frown upon me.
Take this situation for example.One night at work this guy came up to the counter and was to buy something.I started to fill his order when he says "what happened to your face?It looks like someone shot you in the face with a bb and it got stuck." Well i just kinda played it off with my normal snarky sarcasm by saying "Whoa thats a good one,most people just ask me if i fell in a tackle box,but that is original!" Well he continued on while i finished up his order and right before he left he thought it would be wise to tell me that i would look a whole lot better without it.I didnt ask for his opinion.I dont care what people think of me,i did this to make me happy.Not to make society happy...
I guess my whole point in this rant is to say,dont be afraid to be you.Never hide yourself,never shield yourself.Be who you want to be and never change.Never let the opinions of the few overrule what makes you happy.Because in the end,its all about what matters to you.Be happy,it will all work out in the end!
Peace and love,and thanks for visiting the graveyard today :)